as i mentioned in my last post, i decided to go back to work. just like my original decision back in december to become a SAHM, it wasn't an easy one to make. however, it was far less agonizing this time. now that i've experienced the grass in both fields, i know which one is truly greener (for me).
i follow quite a few mommy blogs, and there is one popular blogger who just oozes rainbows and butterflies even when she's trying to demonstrate how not perfect her life really is. she takes gorgeous photos of her girls daily (dressed in the most adorable outfits), every day is an adventure and she has no doubt that she was born to be a mother. she's a great writer, and usually i find her inspiring. but sometimes i want to punch her in the face.
i'll admit it. i'm jealous. i wish, for my kids sake, that i were that kind of mom. i wish i could cart around my kids in a minivan, wearing stilettos, and be damn proud of it. i wish i were satisfied with spending my days at the zoo or on play dates, at the pool or the playground, finger painting and blowing bubbles, playing dress-up and tea party. i enjoyed doing those things with my kids. just not all the time. honestly, i found myself resenting my kids for sucking up all of my time, energy and independence. i know a lot of SAHM's find other outlets to alleviate those kind of thoughts, but i personally struggled to find an identity outside of being "just a mom".
so when things changed on the career front for my husband (more on that later), it seemed like a good time for me to seriously consider going back to work fulltime. my skillset and background are still in high-demand, even in this economy, so things happened a lot more quickly than i had anticipated. i wanted to spend some time exploring all my options, but i had three great offers within two weeks of deciding i was back in the market, and started two weeks after that.
now i'm a working momma again. and i promised myself that things would be different this time. my family comes first, and i make sure that everyone at work understands that. i have plenty of paid time off, and i will not feel guilty about using it. i will pay a lot of money to improve my family's quality of life, and i will not feel guilty for doing so.